Certainly Not
by imkillinit
Summary: Hisoillu alternate universe. Hisoka asks Illumi out on a date in a rather unconventional way. Will their relationship last?


"Ah I'm glad you could make it!"

"Hm' The dark haired man looked around the apartment and looked back at Hisoka.

"Where are my manners! Come in, come in~" Hisoka gestured for Illumi to enter, moving over to make room for his guest.

"I can only stay for about two hours. Will that be sufficient?"

"Of course~ I can't imagine it would take very long. The homework was only about a page this time, thank goodness. I mean, how can she assign so much? She has yet to return any of the practices sheets or the tests. She must be falling behind in work, that's probably why we got so little this time around" Hisoka continued the one sided conversation as he walked over to the kitchen to make himself and Illumi a cup of tea.

"And of course she would do that I mean- you can set down your things on the table there, that's where we'll be working." Hisoka said as he noticed Illumi starting to trail awkwardly behind him. "Ah, would you like a cup of tea. I've already started making it, but you can still say no."

Illumi sat down at the table and began removing his books, "I would like a cup of tea, thank you." He opened the math book to the page of homework that was assigned for that night and looked over his own work while he waited. How did he get himself into such a weird situation? It didn't help that-

Hisoka set down the tea in front of him and interrupted his thoughts. "Do you take sugar in your tea?"

"No. And perhaps it would be best for you to get your homework so I can look over it and see what mistakes you've made. We can start there and work our way up."

Hisoka grinned at his guest and nodded his head, "yes of course, I'll be right back."

This whole situation put Illumi on edge. He didn't really know Hisoka that well, but he wasn't one to turn down a paid tutoring session either. And he's worked with strangers before it just that… well they were never quite so attractive. The intimate setting didn't help much either. His unease was not visible to Hisoka, at least he hoped not, but he could feel it inside of him. For a while he had noticed Hisoka, raising his hand to ask the professor a question. He could hear that confident voice debating a wrong answer. He would always watch Hisoka when he entered the room, he had a kind of grace about him, like he was a dancer. It always captured Illumi, but he never said anything about it. It was surprising that Hisoka asked in the first place. He always thought he was good at math, but perhaps things are not always as they seem…

Hisoka returned with the papers and handed them over to Illumi who began checking the math problems. He could feel Hisoka's eyes on him, but he was able to stay focused for the most part. Hisoka got the first problem right. Good. And the next. And the next. Illumi squinted at the paper, and re-checked the first three problems again. They were correct, and so were the rest of them.

"Well, I don't think you need me as a tutor, Hisoka, because these are all correct." He said looking up at him and returning the homework.

Hisoka chuckled a little and said "I know. I don't need a math tutor."

"Ah, well what do you need a tutor for? Perhaps I can help you. I'm best in math and science, but I'd hate to waste the time you paid me for."

Hisoka laughed this time. "I don't need any kind of tutor. I lied to you. I just want your company." Hisoka leaned back in his chair and stared at Illumi, waiting for a reaction.

Illumi frowned, "You what? Why would you want my company?" A dumb question, Illumi already knew, but Hisoka answered before he could take it back.

"I wanted to spend time with you because I think you're pretty and smart and cute and I'm currently not seeing anybody so-"

"Stop." Illumi stood up and gathered his things. "My time is not something you can waste. I don't care how you feel about me. I don't care that you're handsome or charming. You don't have the right to lead me here under false pretenses. What did you think I would do? Swoon over your clever trick? For someone who is doesn't need a tutor, you're pretty dumb."

He slipped on his shoes and opened the door. Hisoka was in a daze, but he stood up and tried to follow Illumi.

Illumi sighed and looked at Hisoka who was standing in front of him, his face unreadable. "I'll return your money to you and we'll forget this happened, ok?"

Hisoka grabbed Illumi's arm before he could fully exit the apartment. "Wait." Hisoka voice was soft and he looked right into Illumi's eyes. "You think I'm handsome and charming?" he said grinning.

Illumi was furious, but he didn't let it show… well he tried not to. He knew responding would just be falling into another one of Hisoka's traps, but he couldn't help it. "

"That's all you got from what I said? You are such a piece of-"

"No, but I wanted to stop you and it worked." He interrupted. His face looked a little more apologetic this time.

Hisoka hesitated for a second. "…I honestly thought you'd think me clever and romantic for doing this, but I suppose it's a bit underhanded."

"A bit?"

"Ok, really underhanded, but I had a feeling you would reject me if I asked you out directly."

Illumi probably would have, but that's not the point. "So you just lie to me and try to pay me like a whore?"

"No. Well I did that, but that wasn't what I meant it to look like!" Illumi turned to leave, struggling against the arm that held him there.

"But it's only because I like you! I did it to impress you!" Illumi stopped and looked Hisoka in the eye. He smiled a little and Hisoka smiled back in confusion. Then Illumi began laughing.

"You did a really shitty job." Illumi said, his laughter finally fading out. Hisoka had let go of Illumi's arm and chuckled a few times himself.

"Yes I did."

Illumi sighed. "I do have the next two hours cleared." He looked over at Hisoka who looked hopeful "but I don't think I should reward you for acting like an asshole."

"Go out on a date with me."

"What? Did you just hear what I said?"

"Yeah, and I don't like it. So come on a date with me. I'll pay for everything. If you really hate it you can leave. But I know you won't. You like a challenge, you're just like me. I can see your mind working right now. If you leave, you'll be denying yourself something that you want, punishing yourself and me. And you don't want that. Besides, its Friday and life is short."

Illumi stood in front of the now closed door, looking down in thought. Hisoka was right. He wanted to stay. But he hated that Hisoka was right. He wanted to prove him wrong. But why? As someone who prided himself on staying rational, this was beginning to turn into an irrational weekend and he didn't like it.

"I'll go, but on one condition. I get to choose where we go on a date. You still have to pay for everything though."

"Done." They stood there looking at each other for a while, the tension between them was still thick.

"You can put down your stuff and I'll go grab my coat." Hisoka left the room and Illumi could finally let go of the breath he didn't realize he was holding. He was going out on a date with someone he already had an interest in. How unusual.

"So, Illumi, who is driving and where are we headed?" Hisoka asked, his hair looked a little different and was he wearing makeup?

"I'm driving." Illumi said, ignoring Hisoka's other question. Hisoka held the door open for him to exit, and Illumi got a quick glance at his face. He was definitely wearing some lip-gloss and a little eyeliner and he looked even more attractive. This was going to be a long evening.

Illumi took Hisoka to his favorite restaurant, a little Vietnamese place within walking distance of the college. It was crowded like it normally was, but it didn't take long for them to get a seat. Illumi chose it because he liked the food, and because he knew they were quick at bringing out their orders. The less awkward sitting around and staring at one another, the better, but Hisoka was good at conversation. Illumi didn't even realize his food was in front of him until Hisoka began eating his own meal.

Despite the man's colorful appearance he shared Illumi's dark sense of humor and Illumi couldn't stop smiling at Hisoka's gruesome jokes. At one point, however, he did surprise Illumi with a rather dirty joke, which caused him to snort into his drink, which just make Hisoka laugh more, which in turn make Illumi laugh more. And Illumi couldn't help but think that everything about Hisoka was terribly attractive. They sat there smiling at each other like a couple of fools and Hisoka reached out a hand and his fingers lightly grazed Illumi's, surprisingly, Illumi didn't mind in the slightest.

The end of their meal was much better than the beginning. They were satisfied and happy with the company that they got to enjoy. Although Hisoka's means of asking him out were rather extreme, he had to admit that they were quite compatible. Hisoka was annoying at times, but he was graceful, clever, and handsome. He was also selfish and over-confident, but that didn't stop Illumi from liking him.

They sat in the car for a little, talking about where they should head next, movies or bar?

"I have some drinks that I could whip up at home, and I also have a rather nice movie collection. We could snuggle up, get drunk, and make out~" Hisoka leaned forward, a hand tracing Illumi's arm, his eyes seductive "Or we could just forgo all of that and I can invite you directly to my bed"

A little chill went through his body at Hisoka's words, and it did sound like a promising evening, but he really couldn't afford to stay much longer than tonight. He had some family business to attend to.

"You'd like that wouldn't you? Unfortunately I'll have to decline the invitation to your bed and the drinks, but I don't see why we can't watch a movie. I have to leave by tonight, though."

"Hmmm. I suppose I can't complain" Hisoka let out a little sigh "but I'd love to get into your pants~"

Illumi rolled his eyes. Hisoka was disgusting, but his honesty at this point actually made him more appealing.

"Can I kiss you?" Hisoka asked suddenly, looking at him and holding onto his hand.

"What?" Illumi was surprised, he looked back at Hisoka, wondering if he was joking, but he appeared to be serious about his question.

"Can I kiss you?" Hisoka asked again, moving closer to Illumi, his eyes scanning over his face, and resting on his lips.

Can he? Did he want him to? Yes. Then why hasn't he said anything yet? Illumi was hesitant and was faced with a feeling that he hadn't really felt before in a situation like this: Anxiety. The anticipation was palpable. He wanted Hisoka to do it but imagining him doing it let the feeling of butterflies in his stomach.

"No." Illumi said, his body feeling warm, "but I can kiss you." Illumi crashed their lips together. Hisoka's arms reached out and pulled Illumi as close as he could while sitting awkwardly beside each other in the car. Their lips moved fervently together, Hisoka's hot tongue glided against Illumi's bottom lip and he opened his mouth to taste Hisoka. Illumi shivered as their tongues touched one another and he could feel Hisoka's stifled moan as Hisoka got to further explore Illumi's mouth. Hisoka's hands wandered up and down Illumi's body, resting on his hips and griping them tight as he ravaged Illumi's mouth and lips. Hisoka pulled away, kissing Illumi's cheek and slowly kissing his neck, leaving Illumi panting from the stifling kiss. Illumi loved the attention he was getting, the taste of Hisoka, but as soon as he felt himself starting to get excited he had to cut it off.

"That's enough. I should probably return you home." He sighed a little, moved back into his seat and started the car.

He glanced over at Hisoka, wondering if he started to get excited too. Illumi really should not have been surprised that Hisoka would do nothing to hide the outline of a thick erection straining against his pants.

"mmm, but it was just getting good~" He pouted, putting on his seat belt and 'adjusting himself.' "Perhaps we can continue once we get back to my place?"

"Hah, I doubt it. I think I'm going to return home after I drop you off."

"No~ you have to come inside because you left your backpack there."

Damn. He was right. Surely Hisoka wouldn't be able to convince him in the short time that it took him to actually get his backpack, right? Well he'd have to risk it anyway.

"That doesn't mean I'm staying."

"Sure~"

They continued the drive in silence, wondering what the other was thinking about. When they reached Hisoka's apartment, he was happily chatting away about something or other. Illumi on the other hand remained silent and followed Hisoka to the door. As soon as Hisoka let Illumi in, he went over to the table and gathered his things. A quick entrance and a quick exit should be sufficient.

"Don't you want to stay for a movie? Or tea? Or sex?" Hisoka asked, not crowding Illumi, leaning against the table, but pulling him in with his voice and eyes. Illumi looked back at him, and stepped forward a little, standing right in front of him. Hisoka stared right back, a small smile on his face. Illumi leaned forward and kissed him so delicately and softy on the lips it was like a whisper had manifested and danced there for a second. He rested his forehead against Hisoka's, and brought his hand up to his cheek, his thumb softly stroking his face.

"Do you really want to fuck me?" Illumi asked in a whisper. He could hear Hisoka's breath quicken.

"Yes" he whispered back.

Illumi kissed Hisoka on the lips again, his hand moved down between Hisoka's legs, gently grabbing the half-hard bulge. Illumi rubbed him and moved his head to nibble on his ear. Hisoka moaned softly and spread his legs further at the touch.

"Close your eyes and unbutton your pants." Illumi whispered into his ear. The feeling of Illumi's hot breath and lithe touches made him feel lightheaded and he loved it.

"Yessir" he mumbled, doing as Illumi asked.

"I want to watch you touch yourself. Keep your eyes closed and let me watch." Hisoka did as he was told, excited to have such a voyeuristic partner. He could feel Illumi step back as he began stroking himself. The idea that Illumi was watching him made him even harder and he picked up the pace. He began to moan a little, mumbling Illumi's name when he heard the door close. He opened his eyes to see Illumi was not there. He quickly pulled up his pants and ran over to the door, whipping it open and looking out to see Illumi already in his car and ready to drive away. Illumi saw him and gave a little wave as he left. He could see him laughing.

"Son of a bitch." Hisoka said in amazement more than anything. Illumi had tricked him and he knew he had to see more of this black-haired beauty.


End file.
